


Losing My Religion

by littlemisstpk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartbreak, M/M, Mentions of Mental Illness, POV Third Person Limited, POV Tsukishima Kei, Post-Break Up, Tsukiyama and Kagehina are in the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-05 23:23:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20281588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisstpk/pseuds/littlemisstpk
Summary: Everything changes at their high school graduation, but Tsukishima and Hinata turn to each other to find their way at university.Written for Tsukihina Week 2019 Day 6: University AU





	Losing My Religion

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Take Me To Church](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14128668) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account). 

> Title shamelessly stolen from the [song by REM.](https://youtu.be/xwtdhWltSIg)
> 
> Fun fact : when I get stuck writing Tsukki's POV, I listen to grunge.

When Kei walked out of Yamaguchi's house in the middle of their high school graduation party to find where his boyfriend had gone, he wasn't prepared for the sight playing out in front of him. Yamaguchi was looking up at him with doe-like eyes as he cradled an obviously inebriated (and currently passed out) Hinata as he was splayed out onto Yamaguchi's wooden platform, close enough to have kissed. The internal voice that had been giving his anxieties about Yamaguchi leaving for Tokyo an audience was now positively screaming with a chorus of, ‘I told you so!’ as his imagination ran wild with the possibilities of what happened as the two were alone.

Almost as quickly as Kei had opened the door, he turned around to re-enter the party. It was still going full swing, and while he used the opportunity to drink three shots in quick succession, Kei watched Yachi acting out the penultimate play during the quarterfinals of their most recent nationals run with enough of a stumble that there was no denying how much she had been drinking herself. The whoops of celebration as Kei downed his third shot was enough to momentarily dull the headache his anxiety was giving him, replacing it momentarily with a sense of satisfaction as his body shuddered with the aftershocks of the taste.

The rest of the night was spent actively avoiding Yamaguchi, with varying degrees of success. Even though Kei's vision swam as he co opted Yamaguchi's Wii for a Mario Kart tournament, he was able to maintain a solid lead for a good chunk of the time he played as he actively fought how miserable he was to inhabit the space he did at this particular house. The satisfaction of consistent wins was short lived, as Hinata's Dry Bones seemed incapable of doing anything but hitting the side of the track, despite the flailing of the man behind the remote, especially as Yamaguchi was getting a little hands on with the situation in spite Kei's angry glances across the room.

Before long, people were passing out, whether it was from fatigue from an exciting day or from the ridiculous amount of alcohol collectively consumed. The place where Kei had hunkered down was a distance away from where Hinata had flopped over, Yamaguchi's arm draped over his middle. The conflicting emotions were enough to keep Kei awake and aware of the disconcerting feeling of getting a hangover in slow motion, and once the first glimmers of sunlight hit the horizon, he texted Akiteru to come and pick him up.

By the time Akiteru arrived to retrieve him, the room was just beginning to stir, and Yamaguchi was about to cry at the sight of Kei leaving his house. Kei turned around and glared angrily at his ex-boyfriend, feeling like he had given him more of a goodbye than he deserved. Yamaguchi was set to leave in a couple days for Tokyo, while Kei would remain close to home in Sendai, so in a way, it was inevitable. With that, Kei closed the door behind him and headed to where his brother had parked, hoping that the inescapable teasing would be kept to a minimum.

* * *

Kei brought his third and final box into his dorm room, and before he began the admittedly short process of unpacking and getting settled, his ribcage getting crushed by his mother's ambushing hug. He let out an embarrassing squeak as his mother cried a wet spot into the middle of one of the few shirts that actually fit him as he continued to grow closer to two meters. As his mother cried, “my baby's all grown up!” muffled by the fabric of his tee, Kei freed his forearms enough to pat her on the back. Even though it was awkward, it seemed to calm her down.

As his mother's sobbing slowed, Hinata was amused as he peered in from the door frame. Even as Kei glared at the smaller man to maintain relative quiet, he noticed that the smile on Hinata's face didn't enter his eyes, leaving him looking like a poor imposter of himself. Part of what made Hinata so annoying, Kei figured, was how his emotions seemed to infect the team at an alarming rate, no matter the situation he found himself in, and how that natural charisma became Karasuno's secret weapon on and off the court.

The moment was broken by a tell-tale buzz coming from Kei’s pants pocket. As Kei silently counted the pulses, determining that it was an incoming phone call, his mother detached herself from her son, Kei’s mother took a moment to wipe at her eyes before leaving.

By the time Kei looked up from ignoring the voicemail from Yamaguchi, Hinata was no longer in the doorway. 

* * *

Kei entered the smallest gym on campus to find himself faced with more familiar faces than not. Noya was there, colluding with Suga about what to do with the still very eager Koganekawa. The more surprising thing to Kei was that when Hinata approached their Karasuno senpai, there was no longer the spring in his step that had been present the entirety of his high school career, and almost hear the weight of each step from halfway across the gym as the smaller man moved across the wood floor. As Noya bounded towards Hinata, they got wrapped up into a very energetic hug, and for the first time since arriving at the university, Kei caught a fleeting glimpse of his old teammate while his ear drums threatened to bleed with the volume of their reunion.

The noise only quieted when the coaching staff arrived shortly after, and try-outs began. Kei let himself get lost in the familiar drills and 3-on-3 games done Karasuno style, with a regular team member rounding out the pairs of newbies. He got a flashback to the Miyagi first year training camp from high school as he blocked a now-formidable Kunimi, and let a satisfied grin creep over his face to win their set. The grin dropped as the wind was nearly knocked out of him by Bokuto as he clapped Kei sharply on the back.

“That’s my Tsukki!”

“My name is Tsukishima.” The response was automatic, a familiar call-and-response that no longer held animosity, only affection.

The win gave Kei the chance to look over at where Hinata was playing with Noya and Koganekawa, with the scores tied. Even though Hinata had grown into being a very flexible spiker, working well with the various setters from their training camps in Tokyo, he was visibly frustrated at Koganekawa’s timing. It wasn’t until the next play that proved Hinata would definitely be a part of the team as well, as the ball came down and met the floor with a spike.

* * *

After packing up for the night, Kei made his way out of the gym into the cool April air.

“Tsukki! Wait up!”

Kei turned around to find Hinata running after him. Kei was struck at how even though Hinata didn’t grow any appreciable amount since they were first years and he still grew like a weed, Hinata’s voice no longer had that screechy, shrill quality that was like nails on a chalkboard.

“I just wanted to make sure you weren’t mad at me.” Hinata scratched the back of his neck, and didn’t meet Kei’s eyes.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Kei honestly was perplexed.

“I don’t remember much about graduation, but I remember you glaring at me for most of what I can remember.”

A light bulb lit in Kei’s brain. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at Yamaguchi. You just happened to be near him all night.” Kei made a special mental note to wash his mouth after speaking the name. 

As they approached the dorm building that they both shared, Kei's heart gave a pang at the soft smile on Hinata’s face.

Later, Kei was not serenaded by incessant buzzing from his phone as he was trying to sleep for the first time in the week that he had moved in.

* * *

It was some kind of cosmic luck that chemistry and biology were both required subjects for sports journalism and sports medicine, and Kei found himself in the same sections of both of those introductory courses as Hinata. As Kei found a prime spot in the middle-back of the lecture hall, he found the seat to his right quickly taken up by his fellow first-year. Curious, Kei tilted his head questioningly, and Hinata gave a sheepish smile.

“I’m sorry if I seem annoying, I just don’t know anyone else.” Hinata continued stacking his supplies on the shared desk in front of them.

Kei shrugged. “If you’re not noisy for the sake of being noisy, then I don’t mind.” Hinata let out a sigh of relief as he arranged his supplies messily in front of him.

Not longer after they settled in, the professor walked into the hall, and began the process of introducing the syllabus to the class of thousands. Kei turned toward Hinata, whose face seemed to be pinched half-way between confused and apathetic, the chemical terms clearly going over Hinata’s head as he tried to make notes on his handout. Hinata was jiggling his leg at warp speed, and having spent more time than he would have ever expected with the small middle blocker in high school, Kei recognized it as Hinata’s attempts at kick starting his brain. Kei filed away the offer to help Hinata study into the back of his brain for when it would be better received.

* * *

One fact that most people took as immutable fact about Tsukishima Kei was that he was as heartless as he was tall, and as the tallest student in his year at Karasuno, Kei was used to the cold envious glares at his height leveled in his direction. It was not exactly true: the act of caring about others took more energy out of him than running a marathon because it was an all-or-nothing venture, so he spent most of his time blocking out others with efficient, caustic remarks. The fact that the former top-two people on Kei’s extremely short list of people that he truly, deeply cared for ended up leaving his heart bloodied and scarred did not endear him to taking unnecessary risks. 

Hinata sprawled out on Kei's bed as they studied for the upcoming midterms by the time that Kei's list had lengthened to include Hinata as well. It was actually an amusing sight, with Hinata groaning as his orange hair peeked out from beneath the open book balanced on his face while he lay spread-eagled on top of Kei's blanket. 

Kei picked the textbook up off of Hinata's face. “You're not going to learn like this, dummy.”

“I'm learning by osmosis.” Hinata snatched the book back, making a face at the content. 

“I'm surprised you even know what that means.” 

Hinata whipped the book at Kei in protest. As the book hit his chest and fell open on his lap, opening easily to where the textbook detailed cell tonicity and permeability. "No, you're learning osmosis, there's a difference."

The laugh that Kei held in died as he noticed the indignant spark that had momentarily inhabited his friend fizzled just as quickly, leaving with a heavy sigh as he retreated under the textbook once again.

"I'm going to fail, I know it already." Hinata's voice was muffled by the pages.

Kei picked up the textbook, packed it away in a bag, and picked Hinata up by the back of his neck, pushing him toward the library.

* * *

Even though Kei had Hinata in several of his classes, he didn't share all of them. While Kei needed anatomy and physics, Hinata needed journalism basics and intro to literature. They had taken their studying to the library as more assignments required research, and the summer heat made Kei's dorm room stifling. 

It was becoming more and more of an occurrence, Hinata flopping onto Kei's back as he typed the last sentences of a lab report, declaring how bored he was. Kei had given up on trying to dislodge the other man, who had proven time and again that he was a living burdock and practically unavoidable. Instead, Kei finished his assignments within a good amount of time, and prodded Hinata to do the same. It was a comfortable bubble, predictable, and it calmed the most change-averse parts in Kei that had been screaming since graduation.

During one of these study sessions, as Kei went to grab another book from the stacks that he noticed a girl from his anatomy class looking up at him expectantly. "Tsukishima-san," she began, before apparently losing her nerve. Kei noticed the rumpled piece of paper in her hand as she held it out to him. "Please read this."

Kei took the piece of paper, and after a quick examination, gave it back to her. "I can't." In the past he would have been less apologetic, but apparently he had gone soft since leaving high school.

She turned to where Hinata was bashing himself in the face with the journal he was attempting to read. He softly laughed at Hinata's antics, and her wan smile at his reaction left a curious feeling of dread in Kei's stomach. "I understand," she said, blankly wiping at her dry eyes as she walked toward the library exit. 

* * *

It was after the practice match in Tokyo, against Kageyama's volleyball team that the precariously built emotional house of cards that was Kei's well-being crashing down. He had seen Yamaguchi in the stands, cheering on Kageyama's team, but at least he faltered as Kei made eye contact with him. 

It was illuminating to watch the dynamics between Hinata and Kageyama. Both played like utter shit in comparison to their normal, freaky selves, and it left their team in the hands of Bokuto, Noya, and Suga to lead them to victory, especially after a visibly shaken Kageyama was subbed out for Oikawa. 

On the bus ride home, Kei took his earbuds, placed one of them in Hinata's ear, and let the soundtrack of Jurassic Park distract the smaller man from whatever had shaken him during the game. It wasn't long before Hinata raised the armrest that separated their seats, and clung to Kei for dear life. Holding his phone with his left hand to stabilize the visuals, he wrapped his arm around Hinata, letting the tears fall onto his practice shirt. 

As the movie ended, he turned his attention towards Hinata as the smaller man snored softly on his midsection. Kei smiled as Hinata fully relaxed for the first time since they had left high school. His own drowsiness was interrupted by a flash of bleach blonde hair peering up at him. He glared at Noya, who was giving the pair a shit-eating grin over the top of the bus seat. As softly as Noya could manage (which was still unbelievably loud), he told Kei, "Go get 'em, tiger." 

Noya only survived because Kei did not have the heart to disturb Hinata curled up against his chest. 

* * *

It was a Thursday, the only day of the week where Hinata and Kei's lunch breaks did not align. Kei had his textbook open to the assigned reading for biology, knowing that at some point, he would have to teach it to Hinata as well. As a side effect of having to tutor the shorter man in all of their shared classes, Kei managed to snag top marks on all the multiple choice tests with little effort. Hinata actually managed to get okay marks as well. 

Normally, no one would dare interrupt his peace and quiet as he studied alone at his table, but very few people had a set of balls like Sugawara. There were very few people who were just as protective of the redhead as Kei: Suga had topped the list since the beginning of Kei's first year of high school. As it was, Kei was overwhelmed with dread as Suga took the spot directly across from him. 

A Sugawara smile could take on multiple forms. There was the genuinely happy, relaxed smile that he saved for Daichi and Hinata. There was also the mischievous smile like the one that appeared the time that Suga put craft glue in Bokuto's hair gel. The smile that Kei received across the lunch table held menace in his eyes, and he worried suddenly about the safety of his person. 

"Are you jerking Hinata around? He can't exactly handle that right now." Suga's voice was even and low, but there was an edge in there that matched the menacing look in his eyes. 

Kei sighed. "I know he can't handle it. You're not the one re-teaching him all his lectures because he can't concentrate even more than normal." He took in a deep breath, and continued. "I don't want to lose my friend." Kei defiantly stared down Suga, who was examining his face for weaknesses. 

"And if he told you that he didn't need you?" Suga lifted his chin in challenge. 

Kei steadied himself before he replied. "I would let him make his own decisions." Kei took a small bite of his food. "But he hasn't told me that, and he clearly doesn't want to be alone right now." 

Suga's smile softened, as Kei evidently said the right things. Rising to his feet, he slung his own bag around his shoulder and declared, "Good chat. I'll see you around, Tsukishima." 

Left alone at the table until Hinata arrived after his class, Kei was left to sort out his thoughts. Kei wouldn't mind if Hinata wanted to date him, because he definitely wanted to date him back. He wasn't willing on jeopardizing what friendship he had because he felt lonely and slightly horny, so he half-smiled at Hinata as he regaled him with exactly how Koganegawa had made an ass out of himself in their intro to literature class that day. 

* * *

It was was not long into their summer break when Kei was awakened by a sharp series of knocks on his door, a pattern that Hinata favoured. Running his hand through his hair in an attempt to tame the hilarious bed head that his hair was now capable of since he had stopped being so diligent about haircuts, Kei roughly placed his glasses on his head as answered the door. Hinata was chipper and in a good mood, so he didn't wither under Kei's piercing gaze at being woken up too early. 

"Mom gave me some money to take my sister to the Natural History museum. Want to come?" Hinata's face was hopeful and soft, and Kei accepted, despite his grumpiness. 

Kei wasn't sure if the sound he grunted was actually affirmative like he was intending, but Hinata took it as such, and bounced away to his own dorm room. "The train leaves in an hour and a half: Natsu's going to meet us there." 

It left Kei with enough time to shower and shake off the early morning grumps, as well as get a small meal into him before they had to make their way to the train station. Hinata was positively bouncing in anticipation, and if Kei had been in his first year of high school, he would have been annoyed at the energy of his classmate. As it was, it was heartening to see Hinata's infectious enthusiasm on such a good day. As Kei packed his headphone splitter and his spare set of earbuds, he placed his trusty white headphones around his neck, and followed Hinata to the train station. 

It was about an hour long train ride including a transfer to the museum, and the train car had very few people in it, so Hinata stretched out in his seat as Kei assembled the entertainment on his phone. Offering the set of earbuds to Hinata, Kei put his own over-the-ear headphones in position, and readied the anime they had been watching together for most of the semester. It didn't take long for Hinata to curl up against his side, taking solace in his skinny warmth, but unlike other times they had been in this position, Hinata was smiling as part of his good day, and Kei's shirt remained dry. Kei's heart hammered in his chest as he wrapped his arm around Hinata, pulling him closer. 

It was almost too soon, but after a transfer and a scant number of episodes later, the train pulled into their stop, and they were greeted at the ticket booth by a tiny, female Hinata. There was no question about the fact that these siblings were related, and Kei got a preview of what Hinata's hair would look like if he kept missing haircuts. Natsu had a small growth spurt since they were last at Nationals, taking the role of cheer master as seriously as her brother took volleyball. Still, it appeared Hinata’s family was not a tall one, and Kei was very much out of place amongst a crowd of short people. 

As Hinata dragged the two of them toward the dinosaur exhibit, Kei caught Natsu shooting him questioning glances behind her brother's back as he energetically pointed at the large fossils in on display at the museum. He tried to shove the suspicious glances from Natsu out of his mind, and corrected her brother on the misconceptions that he was spouting as a result of Jurassic Park. As much as the movie did wonders for getting people into paleontology, there was still more than enough that they got wrong that it was aggravating. Still, whenever Hinata would glance in his sister's direction, she would smile brightly, and it made Kei less uneasy when he returned the smile. 

Leaving his sister and Kei alone at one of the interactive displays, Hinata made his way to the bathroom after a decent amount of time had passed. As soon as her brother had disappeared from view, Natsu's smile dropped, and Kei was suddenly on the receiving end of one of something scarily similar her brother's declarations of battle against the stronger Miyagi volleyball teams. 

"Shouyou deserves to be happy." Natsu was easily half the height of Kei, but intense must be genetic in the Hinata family, because as she tilted her head, Kei was fundamentally afraid. "Are you the one going to make him happy again?" 

Kei clenched his jaw at the accusation. "Your brother is capable of doing that himself." He really did not like being grilled by a twelve year old girl about his feelings. 

Natsu stared him down for what seemed like an eternity, and Kei didn't back off when he glared back. He was tired of people underestimating Hinata, tired of getting his motivations questioned, and extremely tired of people butting into his business. "Why does everyone think I'm going to force your brother into something he doesn't want? Give him some credit." Kei walked away to the next display, trying to read the text, but failing to concentrate on the characters in front of him. 

Kei was given a reprieve a short time later as Hinata joined them before they moved onto the insect displays. Kei delighted in how Natsu squirmed at the sight of the bee hive behind Plexiglas, the writhing insects not bothering her brother in the slightest bit. Kei noticed that a good majority of the time, despite this being an outing with his sister in name, his attention and smiles were primarily focused on Kei, whose heart nearly stopped every time that he caught those glances. 

By the time the museum announced the impending closure, Natsu had nodded at Kei in an unspoken truce. Hinata watched his sister board the correct train back to his mountain hometown, and after the train had left the platform, Hinata slumped forward as they made their way to their own platform. 

"She thinks we're dating. I can tell." Hinata cracked his neck, weariness overcoming him. 

Kei turned to Hinata. "Is that a bad thing?" He was satisfied that his question was worded so that he didn't seem as invested in Hinata's reply as he was. 

Hinata gave a dark laugh. "Well, she'll have to join the club. There's a lot of people who think that." 

Kei internally panicked, but he did his best to school his features. "Like who?" 

"Suga, Noya, Bokuto--" Hinata counted on his fingers, barely pausing between names-- "And oh! Koganegawa too!" He turned to face Kei dead on. 

In uncharacteristic boldness, Kei stared Hinata directly in the eyes. "And what do you think?" 

Hinata lifted his chin in defiance. "I think there's something there. But I'd be a crap boyfriend right now." He deflated slightly at the thought of failure. 

Kei turned Hinata's chin upwards so that he clearly saw the amber eyes. "And if I'm willing to try?" Kei's lungs started to implode with anticipation. 

Luckily, he didn't have to wait long, as Hinata grabbed around Kei's neck, pulling down the taller man until he was face level with him. Before he got confused at the abrupt change in height, Hinata's lips were on his, harsh, messy and gross with inexperience and enthusiasm. 

They pulled apart as their train arrived, and for the first time since before graduation, Kei's heart soared at the possibilities before him. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to come scream with me about HQ in general, when I'm not on Discord, I'm found on [Twitter. ](https://twitter.com/littlemisstpk?s=09) I live off of validation.


End file.
